Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
