Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
