I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
