VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
