I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
