So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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