So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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