on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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