You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
