look no pants
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
