Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
