I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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