I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
