i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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