You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
