The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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