Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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