yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
