Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
