I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
