You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
