I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
