She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
