I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
