I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
