You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
