I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
