Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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