That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
