I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
