Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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