It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
