remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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