i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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