I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
