Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
