I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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