Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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