Yo dont text me then not text me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
