just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
do herpes really smell.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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