He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
