god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
