The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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