Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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