Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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