Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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