the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He better not be in your backpack
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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