So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
