fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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