she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
