So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
