I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
